Sunday, April 15, 2012

Why You Gotta Be So Mean?

Hello there! I know it's been a long time since I have blogged. I guess you can tell that blogging does not come easy to me. Something I have just come across inspired this post.

First, before I get started I just want to say that my blog post title is named after some of Taylor Swift's lyrics from her song, Mean.

While growing up, I am one of the many children who has experienced many, many years of bullying. My classmates made fun of my clothes, what I had for lunch, what I looked like that day, or some other silly reason they would think of. Many times my mother would talk to the teachers and the principals of the school about this issue. I tried numerous approaches to solving the problem too. I ignored the kids, I flat out cried, I told them to stop, and I also tried to just explain how it made me feel. NOTHING worked. Eventually when I became a senior in high school, it still happened, but it slowed down to the point where I wasn't nervous to go to school anymore. I came out of my shy shell some too. I don't think it's a stretch to say that those experiences has made who I am today. When ever I am in an experience where there will be people I don't know well, I am incredibly quiet and reserved, as I am always afraid I'll say something stupid or I will be made fun of or something to that effect. I will fully admit that I probably don't have the biggest self-esteem either, and I think that's probably a side effect of all that bullying I suffered.

Back in the 1980's it seemed that teachers and administrators (and probably parents) thought that bullying was just a rite of passage for kids. It seemed like it was never acknowledged as wrong or hurtful and little was done. Today, I am so happy to hear that there is a movie about bullying (which I hope to see soon), and that there seems to be an epidemic of awareness rallying. I am glad that finally it's being seen as a serious problem and there are people who are trying to do something about it.

By now, you are probably wondeing what inspired this post? Of course, as I do daily, I was reading the message boards on, and opened a thread about a celebrity. Ryan O'Neal has come out saying he's been diagnosed with Stage 4 Prostate cancer. I ended up reading a few of the comments (okay like 6 pages of comments on People magazine's post about his illness. It was appalling to read the insensitive and downright RUDE comments people have made. People were saying that he deserved cancer because of his past misdeeds. Really? I am not sure how people can think that.

Ryan O'Neal isn't the only celebrity where I have read comments about the person in general. There was an incident that happened with Tori Spelling that spurred lots of rude comments. Jen Lilley, who happens to be the fill in on General Hospital also had many nasty remarks about her too. Alison Sweeney once wrote a comment about people saying nasty things about her also. I am sure there are many others but these are the most memorable.

I did post a comment on the People Website regarding the rude comments. Basically my point is that I feel that some people have forgotten that celebrities really are human beings. Sure, they may have money, and are in the public eye, but they still are human beings just like the rest of us. They do get sick, they do make mistakes, they can do horrible things and say horrible things, but at the end of the day, they are still human. (Did I mention that celebrities are human beings too?

Please remember this when you decide someone "deserves what they got". In this case it's cancer. No one deserves to "get cancer". Not even the worst bullies that I experienced (by the way, I forgot to mention that one of them wrote me a letter and apologized for her behavior).

As some of you may have read, my husband was diagnosed with Stage III Brain Cancer in 2009. You go through a lot, and looking back on that I think about all the things we went through. The most minute things are stressful. Take the word: Cancer. How do you deal with that. How is possible? Why him, or any of my family members who have suffered. When he had the surgery, I wanted to be the one to say it was cancer but how? When do I tell him? How do I remain strong for him?

Then there is healing from the surgery. How do we prevent infections? Can he be home alone? What do I do if he has a seizure? So many questions,and many of them were and still are left unanswered. Then you have treatment: radiation and chemo. What will we expect? Will he be able to eat? Will he lose his hair? How sick, how much pain will he be in? Will it cure the cancer?

Not only does the cancer, the illness itself cause a lot of stress, but it's stressful for the care takers. Me. I had a hard time knowing what to expect. I was scared, angry, and it hurt me to see him in such agony. It was painful to see my mother in law hurting and so worried, and be scared b/c her baby was so sick.I had my own health issues with walking and driving at the time, so imagine what it was like to have to get your hubby to his appointments. Thank goodness hubby's side of the family is huge and they helped us out.

So the next time you read something about a celebrity, think about what you say. Remember they are humans too. They have problems just like everybody else. Because they do have problems, they are entitled to privacy also. They also deserve to the old adage, Treat those as you want to be treated. You don't want the whole world to say that you deserve cancer or whatever "punishement" do you? Well then don't say it about a celebrity.
If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say it. Be nice.